People Assume I’m Failing

Family

by Erin | on October 9th, 2012 | 92 comments

You may not know it but I own a company. I’ve owned my company since August of 2004. I’ve been in business nearly ten years now and have enjoyed being able to fund my life and fund my dreams.

You also may not know that my husband is a stay-at-home dad. We are fortunate enough to have him stay home with our daughter Willow while I work 9-5pm out of my home office.

My business affords me the luxury of paying my bills, saving money into a savings account, funding an RRSP and an RESP and being able to spend frivolously from time to time.

This all sounds magical right? Well, even though my life is on a fairly even keel, people always assume that I’m failing.

We moved into my parent’s house while we saved the money for our down payment and people assumed my business was tanking. Not that we were making a smart decision and relying on family to get us to our dream goal of owning a home quicker. Nope, my business and I were failing.

When we bought a house we decided to purchase a townhouse to keep our mortgage payment small and to ensure that when we did want to move into a larger house (IF we decide to – I think we’ll actually keep less than we need instead of more than we need), the resale rate was high.

I traded in my BMW 128i convertible for a Jeep Patriot and people automatically assumed that I couldn’t afford the payments any longer. It couldn’t possibly be that I was pregnant and wanting to move to a family friendly vehicle and that I wanted a lower car payment. Nope, success was withering away from me.

I work smarter and not harder now and since I’m not attending events or speaking or marketing my ass off, people automatically assume that my business is slower. I started a new website with some girlfriends (this one) and people asked me if I had time to do this because business was slower. I took time off with my daughter and people asked me if my business was suffering.

See the trend? People assume I’m failing.

I can see why they’d think it. My lifestyle and my purchasing decisions have drastically changed. The amount of times we go out for dinner and “nights on the town” have decreased, especially since having my daughter. I don’t travel as much anymore because I really have no desire to (right now). I’ve stopped buying high end, designer clothes and I turned in my sports car. I coupon. I sign up for freebies. I say, “I can’t afford it” and I mean it – especially if it doesn’t fit into my budget for the next month. I’m officially frugal.

Two things happened to create such a drastic 360 turn. One: I had my daughter and it changed my entire mindset. Instead of wanting the latest Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses, I wanted to make sure that she could choose to go into university without any worry on our part. Two: my husband and I read Dave Ramsey’s, “The Total Money Makeover” and it changed our lives. We took a hard look at how we were spending (stupidly) and decided to change it.

Instead of spending $300 on a pair of jeans, we put $300 a month into RRSPs/RESPs. Instead of spending $800 a month on a car payment, we funnel that into life insurance, our tax-free savings account and our mortgage. We’re now creating equity and a net worth versus a closet full of today’s fashion trends.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking anyone who does spend their money in those ways. I am just saying that being frugal and choosing to spend your money on savings versus material goods does not equal failure. Not having a large house does not mean you are poor. Not driving the latest sports car does not mean you are less than. Not busting your ass for fourteen hours a day doesn’t mean your business isn’t successful.

We live in a society that worships material goods and it’s sickening. I used to be there and I bought into it. I spent thousands and thousands of dollars on items and to be honest, much of it I can’t even show you. If I think back on it all, it makes my stomach a bit sick but at the same time, I am incredibly grateful for the lesson. I learned that lesson in my twenties and am now entering into my thirties (this December!) smarter.

To me, success is working toward long-term wealth. It is setting yourself and future generations up for security. When you are self-employed, you don’t have another company preparing for your retirement – you are on your own. If you spend your money in a way that lets other people know you are successful, you’ll wind up at the end of the journey being unsuccessful. The material goods will wither away, the clothes will become outdated, the sports car will rust and you’ll be left with just yourself and your family. The things that you should have made priority #1 while you had the time and resources.

If you’re reading this and your focus is not on building long-term wealth and future security, how can you change that? How can you make a difference starting today? My first piece of advice would be to read Dave Ramsey’s book and of course, share your comments below.

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Comments (92)

Amy Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

I can't believe that people ask you if you're doing such-and-such because your business is slow. That's so rude. And lady, I've seen your townhouse, it's a very nice house... and it has a garage... I'm jealous :) Good on you guys for setting yourselves up for a comfortable life, and not peeing everything away on frivolous things. It's sad that people see these things as failures, instead of choices you and Steve are making so the three of you can be comfortable and happy.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thanks Amy :) It's so odd to me that people do it but they do. Sometimes directly to my face and sometimes to other people. Either way, I agree, it is rude. I wouldn't ask someone else that question but I get asked it and I always say the same thing, "Business is good." :) Thank you for the sweet comment!
- Trevor
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Well done Erin - it's a great message to share! My wife and I just had a similar mind/life shift after a weekend in Montreal this summer. Check out: http://www.peakambassador.com/cmd.php?af=mmi31242&p=15 They are hosting another FREE weekend event this w/e (Oct 12 (evening), 13, 14). It digs deep into helping you understand why you are the way you are with money, and how to make the necessary changes toward financial freedom. We`re going back - it`s free and it`s expertly facilitated to set you on a path to a wiser money future. Thanks for raising the topic Erin - turn others doubt into your fuel for success!
Monica H.
Twitter:
Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

You sounds pretty successful to me :) But I hear ya - Whenever we make the decision to NOT sign up for $1000/year martial arts or but the latest trends, people assume we have money problems...
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thanks Monica and sorry to hear that it happens to you too!
Karen Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

What a great inspirational piece to read. I'm going to nip down to le bibliotech ce soir and see if they have that book there! Thanks for sharing :)
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thanks Karen! You'll really, really, really, really love the book. Some of the references are American but it really doesn't matter. The essence of the book is powerful!
Emily Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

As a business owner myself, I am faced with the same challenges daily! It's so tiring to keep saying the same thing over and over again with a smile on your face when all I really want to do is say it's none of your darn business!!
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  LOL Emily, I have to bite my tongue sometimes to not say the EXACT same thing.
Chris Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

That's just silly, you're one of the smartest and most successful people I know. All of your moves made perfect sense to me when you were telling them to me. People are weird, I guess?
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Chris, your post made me smile! I'm glad YOU know what I'm talking about when I'm saying what I'm saying lol
Rob Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Well said Erin. Kids change everything. Wait, am I allowed to comment here being an Ottawa Valley dad? :)
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thank you Rob :) Kids do change EVERYTHING but it's all good :)
Steph Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Great post Erin!
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thanks so much Steph!
Amanda
Twitter:
Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

This post was fab. We're also trying to focus more on saving and less on spending. This Christmas, for example, is going to have far fewer needless things under the tree.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Amanda, I love that! We stopped buying each other presents last year and instead chose to focus on Willow. We bought her four things. LOL We knew that our parents would go kinda crazy (and we can't stop them) so we just scaled back because it's expensive!
Amber Leigh Turner Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

I recently read a Facebook status that said that this person felt superior to those that work to only make money. To this day that still upsets me. I am a self-employed graphic and web designer and I work alot. There isn't a weekend I dont't work at least four hours on client work. I spend pretty much every day all day working on something to do with my business. While that comment above bothered me (not sure if it was directed toward me, but it did bother me), I still felt like I was doing the right thing. I just recently graduated from college with two professional degrees (B.F.A. and B.B.A) and graduated top of my class and with no student loans. I still live at home with my parents. I live at home to help me build a savings so that I can go straight into buying a reasonable home instead of renting an apartment. I work all the time to build my business now while I have no major bills, no major obligations (I'm not married yet and have no children). But even though I work all the time, I still can take Friday's off to spend with my boyfriend (who works all the time right now because of football season - he is a sports writer). I still take time on the weekends to watch football games. I sleep in till about 9:30 every morning and go to bed around midnight - which is the sleep schedule that works best for me. But yet, I feel people think I am not doing well because I don't live on my own yet, my car is 16 years old and is slowly breaking down and the paint job sucks, my phone is two years old and I don't plan on upgrading soon, I rarely buy clothes now because I work from home all the time. But for some reason people think I am not doing well. There is more to life than to have the best car, clothes, etc. It's ok to buy a car that is four-five years old, or to buy a small house while you work on other priorities and then move into a bigger house later. In my case I chose to keep my 16 year old car because I only drive it a couple of times a week - and it gets 40 mpg. It's not pretty, but it gets me to where I need to go. I won't be upgrading my phone for now because I don't want to end up paying for more data (I am grandfathered in with an unlimited data plan). I wish more people would take the time to think about the decisions people are making instead of assuming the worse. But, then again, part of me is ok with people thinking my business is failing because then they won't think I am a threat - when I really am! Super great article. Definitely summed up in words how I have been feeling recently.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Hi Amber! Thanks so much for commenting. Girl, you are preaching to the choir about long work hours and the sacrifice that it means! I STILL work long hours, even with all of those commitments, and often say to my husband, "Still love me even though I work a lot, mmkay?" LOL It's a huge sacrifice to do what we do. I love that you live below your means ON PURPOSE and are reaching for the goals that are important to you. It's powerful to be able to do that and not succumb to the pressure that society places on you. Love! xo
Jacinta Cillis-Asquith Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

So true what you say...everyone is busy judging everything that does not matter and in the end the peanut gallery usually has completely missed what really counts. Like the ref to Dave Ramsey’s, “The Total Money Makeover” got to read that -thanks for the tip. :0)
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Jacinta - this: "in the end the peanut gallery usually has completely missed what really counts" is perfect.
Barbara Stachera Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Hi Erin, I am very proud of you, for the choices you have made.... You will not only have a wonderful family life, but a wonderful future ahead for the three of you...nothing wrong with that! The past teaches us life lessons, and now you are on track....with a different outlook on life and what it can offer you in the line of comfort, happiness, and sucess in other ways.... but, for all the right reasons. Being frugal is a blessing....it not saying we are not sucessful, just smart about our lives. Have I told you lately how much I love you..... Love you, Gran xxx ooo Forever and Always.....
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Grantastic, your comment made my heart feel super happy (to quote a show Willow watches - Ni Hao Kai Lan - haha)... I love you and you've taught me A LOT just watching how you've lived... xo
Annie @ PhdinParenting.com
Twitter:
Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

This post really resonated with me. I've experienced the same thing. And, on the other hand, I've experienced the assumption that we have more money than we do because of certain things we've saved for. As an example, we are "house poor" (meaning we have a small mortgage, small home), but our kids go to private school. If I don't share the size of my mortgage with someone, they may assume we must earn a lot of money to be able to send our kids to private school. In reality, my mortgage plus private school for two kids may still be less than their mortgage on a house in Westboro. You know?
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Annie, your comment is exactly why I wrote this post. People just look at the overall picture and they make a blanket assumption about your life. It's frustrating and it's rude. I always felt though that I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't. When I was pouring money into the materialistic side of life, people judged me for that calling me superficial and money hungry. You can't win lol
- Mary @ Parenthood
  Twitter:
  Wednesday - 10 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Boy does this resonate! Deliberately making non traditional choices as a business person and apparently open the door to judgement. We have a large house in the Glebe, so folks frequently assume that we are super rich (we were lucky to buy from inlaws before market went crazy!). So mostly people assume business is going well. But since we don't have our child in daycare and instead manage our time to always have one parent with her? Clearly we aren't as "busy" as the rest of the world. Now, personally I don't feel being "busy" is something to aspire to (rather, it's often a sign of poor time management and inability to make hard choices). But I make sacrifices every day in order to run my business and look after my kid, not to run errands for those who think "I have too much time on my hands".
Tracy @MomRedefined
Twitter:
Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Thank you for this post. I am in the process of starting my own business and find it both entertaining and frustrating how people assume things, such as failure just because you have suddenly have some spare time on your hands. It sounds as though you are a smart business woman - well done!
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Hi Tracy! Thanks so much for taking the time to comment :) It is frustrating to hear it ALL the time and I'm glad I have an outlet like this one to just write about it... Gets it out there once and for all (or until the next time someone asks me haha)
Stephanie Watson
Twitter:
Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

I'm really happy about the choices you've made. People do not realize how much life chances once you have a baby. It really changes everything. I think it's neat that your husband is a stay at home dad now, when did that happen? I remember how hard it was in the beginning to focus on work before (I watch all your youtube videos). This is such a great choice for your baby and your life. You are successful in everything that's important. I think people just like tearing down others. You know the truth, and that is all that matters.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thank you so much Stephanie! I think having Willow really hit home for me how important it was to invest in a future rather than in the moment. Steve quit his job two-three months ago now! We LOVE having him home and I'm finally able to actually work like I used to work. Thanks so much for the positive advice!
Rob M Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Erin you are doing the right thing, you are living smart. I'm very similar, I invest in my future. I've always said I LOVE to spend money, but I HATE to waste it. I find the flashier people live on credit and don't have their butt covered. I own everything I have, (other than my rented apartment) but more importantly I'm appreciative of what I have. People who are questioning your success are only insecure about their own. Or they are part of a very, very lonely and empty club. No way to live life in my opinion.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thank you Rob! I agree, I hate to waste money now too. Flash does often equal credit (of some sort) and that credit will/does run out at some point. I love your comment - such great advice. xo
Leslie Keffler Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Anybody that has the nerve to ask you those kind of questions, apart from being rude - obviously don't know you. I think it's great that your priorities have shifted now that you are a parent in addition to being a business owner. I also love Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. Your long-term wealth mindset is an excellent one. Best wishes to you, your family and your business!
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Hi Leslie! I agree - I don't know how people can say these things and honestly not feel intrusive but I do get asked these questions either to my face or people will ask my family members. I'll have to look into Dave's other book too!
Christiane Jechoux Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

You know what Erin? Don’t worry about what is said ‘out there’. I know, it is downright aggravating & hurtful, but in the long run who wins? You do! You’ve done a fantastic job with your business, and have been an inspiration to many of us! Let them ‘speak’, obviously they don’t have anything better to do!
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thanks Christiane! It's hard to ignore it when it comes up as often as it does but you're right... gotta keep my head down and focus on what's important :)
Susan Snyder Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

EXACTLY! Been in biz 17 years and I am doing great. People assume because I am not throwing money out my windows as I drive and live for more than now that I too am just being "lazy" or aren't making it. Let's meet up in about 20 years and we can laugh at them still being stupid and we'll be in a total different planet than them! :)
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thanks for commenting Susan! :) I love that you are doing the same thing. LOL YES!! Let's meet up in 20 years and PARTAY on the beach (in sandals we got on sale, with a coupon hahaha) ;)
rebeccahappy Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Sounds like you are on a right path to me. Though I never bought into having all that stuff sometimes I do get seduced into thinking (if only briefly ) that it is important. what I hear you are doing is about creating freedom and family. You have made choices to allow you to indulge or not if that is what you want. Many people do not have that freedom. If you were my daughter, I would be proud. rebecca PS: I am surprised that so many people are actually paying attention to what you have, drive and wear.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Hi Rebecca! Thanks so much for commenting! I agree with you - I think that is definitely the path that we're on. It is SO hard not to look at the things other people are doing (and have in their lives) and not get sucked into it. Your comment about being proud of me literally just brought a tear to my eye!! And yes, I'm surprised people pay attention to those things as much as they do... haha
Keldie Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Hi Erin, Congrats on living the lifestyle that suits you and your family. You are years ahead of others who still haven't figured it out. Long term financial health is almost as important as long term physical health. Success is defined by our own beliefs. It sounds like you are very successful.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thanks so much Keldie! I have received so much positive feedback from this post that I don't think I'll ever feel the negative feelings I have felt ever again :)
Coffee with Julie Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Great post! I think people are obsessed (and always have been) with keeping up with the Jones. And when you don't do what the Jones do? Then they make up their own reasons why not. Good for you and long-term security!
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thank you so much Julie and you are absolutely right... Keeping up with the Jones' is silly and not a sustainable way to live! xo
Ali R. Rodriguez Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Oddly enough, I knew what you were doing, mostly, because I know how smart you are and with the coming of Willow, your life will be altered forever, including how, why, where and how, you'd continue to conduct business. I can only imagine the remarks though, and how insensitive people can be in making those kinds of assumptions, but such is human nature after all. I also know how thick-skinned you are, and make lemonade out of every freaking lemon life hands you. I love how you continue to freely speak your mind FROM THE HEART. You always know how to touch our souls, Erin. KUDOS for the courage to share your story, and much love to you for being so genuine in all you do. And ... you're turning 30!!!!????? - OMG, I need a glass of wine :) LuvU Ali
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  LOL ALI!! Thank you so much for commenting. I love that you know me so well and we've continued to be a part of each other's lives for as long as we have. LOVE YOU! xo
Judith Cane Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Hi Erin, I'm a Money Coach and you are the perfect client. You have followed all the advice that I give my clients. It's fantastic that you've created a plan and followed. Good for you. Even though you aren't a client, I'm still proud of you:) And thank you for telling your story. I'm going to share it.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Judith, THANK YOU!! That makes me so happy to hear... It's always so validating when you hear someone who does this for a living say that you're on the right track xo
Peter Bowerman Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

The day each of us stops caring less about the impression we’re making on other people, and more about the positive impact of our actions on our own lives, is our own personal Independence Day. May it come sooner rather than later. And the big cosmic joke in all this is that as much as so many of us care about what others think, those “others” actually spend an amazingly small amount of time thinking about us. Hats off to you, Erin, for (as you say) learning that lesson in your twenties. I know people in their 60’s who still haven’t gotten it. As that old expression reminds: “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Wednesday - 10 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Peter - this is such great advice. Most days I could care less about what people think but when it's hitting me upside the head regularly, I feel the need to address it. However, I can totally grow in this department... it'll be my next area of focus! :) Thanks so much for commenting.
Paula Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

This is an awesome piece Erin. Thank you for writing it. I was JUST thinking the same thing the other day in regard to comments people have made about my decisions as well. It's great to know that other business women I respect are on the same "frugal"/ work smarter wave length. You're a role model, as always!
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thanks so much Paula! It's funny how other people's perceptions affect us... I try not to let it but it's difficult to do when it comes up so often.
Anonymous Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Great post Erin, I really enjoyed it and am going to check out Dave's book ASAP! Can I say that this kind of behaviour happens in reverse as well. We just built a new (very modern) house in a more upscale neighbourhood in our city and people assume that we must be loaded. Trust me, we are not! We saved and borrowed (and paid back) and haven't taken a holiday in three years and traded in our fancy cars for more practical ones and built an energy efficient home and live on a pretty strict budget, but people turn the corner, see our house or our street and make the assumption that our trees are just growing money ALL THE TIME! I get the comments of, "Oh, you can afford it, why don't you just go and get "insert whatever expensive thing here"." And that sucks too, because we worked very hard to build our dream home and still be able to save for our future and our kids futures. Frankly, none of it is anyone's business, but in the end, people will just always make assumptions, no matter what it seems!
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Hi Natasha! You definitely should check out Dave Ramsey's book(s)! So good. I do totally get the other side too! I know friends who were smart really young and who put themselves in a good position and a lot of people think that it's their parents who are helping them out or that they are trust fund babies. Sometimes, people just make good decisions early and they make sacrifices to have certain things! :)
Natasha C. Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

OOps! I totally forgot to submit my name! The comment above is from me! Sorry about that!
Sherman Hu
Twitter:
Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Kudos Erin & Steve for: (1) The Road Less Traveled :: Like you, ours is a one-income family with me being the sole breadwinner. My wife, Sarah, is a "Chief Home Executive", along with being an actor and director. It's priceless to have our two (mostly homeschooled) teens grow with having 2 parents available, even more important in the fragile teen years. Most won't understand as its a paradigm shift and requires an open mind to envision life lived differently than theirs. Most can't fathom (a) working from home, (b) being self-employed, (c) running a web/digital biz vs a "real biz", (d) a one-income family, (e) homeschooling their children, (f) not keeping up with the Joneses. (2) Living Life Like The Millionaire Next Door :: Unfortunately, fake life (Hollywood, Celeb magazines, media) and keeping up with the Joneses is ultra contrary to living The Millionaire Next Door lifestyle. I bet all those thousands of humble/silent millionaires get the same judgements and flack from neighbours and family about their lifestyles all the time. So? Honey badger don't care :-) (3) Livin' Out Your Values Out Loud While Giving Others The Bird :: If only those who judge how others live would understand and apply one of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, "Seek To Understand Before Being Understood". And if they can't wrap their minds around it, then choosing to "Agree To Disagree". One can only wish, eh? At the end of the day, I'm accountable to God, my wife and my 2 children and I have to be as true to this calling and responsibility as I know how and can.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Sherman - thank you SO MUCH for your comment! I love the advice you've given and it's all very true. I definitely got wrapped up in the celeb magazines and tried to live like them and while (at the time) it gave me momentary satisfaction, it faded as soon as the next trend came out and I realized that I couldn't keep up. I'm so glad that I now focus on what's really important - my family, friends and life experiences.
Amethyst Wyldfyre Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

GO Erin! Things do indeed change drastically when you have a child - and your priorities and choices will continue to evolve over time as the child (or family) grows! I think the "people who think you are failing" are probably at some level wishing and praying for you to be this real with them so that they can give themselves permission to have different priorities too! Thanks for reminding me again that sticking with what I want (and consciously and continuously getting clear on that) means I am standing in a place of empowerment and if that isn't success I don't know what is!
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thank you so much for your comment Amethyst! It's so true - having a child changes everything. My entire life changed, my mindset changed, what was truly important changed and I'm so happy it did! I feel calmer, more satisfied and more "filled up" so to speak. I love your take on it and it's so true - some people probably do need the permission to be okay with where they are at.
John W
Twitter:
Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Thanks for sharing. I'm a big Dave Ramsey fan as well. In my work I see people upside down all the time and try to coach them through the baby steps. The smart ones have a change in mindset away from the empty promises that the world offers. I would say you are part of a different 1%. Someone who understands that YOU define your own definition success, not others. Money is a tool, not something that controls your existence that you need endless quantities of. Well done.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thanks for commenting John! Thank you also for the compliment - that is seriously the best thing to hear. Sometimes it is hard to avoid the societal pressures that tell us what we "need" to have but I find that as my finances become more secure, I am happier and more at peace because I'm no longer chasing money.
Emily Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Hey girl! I just finished his "Entreleadership" book- it was excellent, you would love. We also did his Financial Peace univ which is based on his books. E
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thanks so much Emily! Will check both of these out.
sandy Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

This post resonated with me because I truly believe that if you work hard and do what you love money will follow. But here is the caveat: the amount of money that will follow is all subjective. I don't spend a lot on designer clothes and cars for example. I don't have a lot of financial obligations; many people judge me as not being successful because I prefer the less is more than philosophy. And boy are they wrong; I feel free to do most of the things I want to do. I've found that people have money for the things they really want. But for some reason in a consumer society, The Jones assume that what you want is to keep up with them. I could care less about looking successful and faking it until I make it if it is going to cause me to lose my peace of mind. At the end of the day, what is really lasting is your health and strength. I know it sounds cliche. But it so true; I know because I've been on the good and bad side of the health issue. If your health is not number one, then I don't care what you own or how successful you appear to be or are, you will beg one day to turn in all those "things" for a chance at life. So most of my decisions are based in the questions : will this stress me out? or will this bring me peace? will this allow me to maintain my sanity and my health? will this help others? will this leave a lasting mark in the world? Values clarification is where its at for me. Forget about the money, it will come. Most of us live in a society where our "needs" are met; but it is our "wants" that cause most of the problems. Just keep your eyes on the prize: peace, happiness and love which lead to abundant health. Suffering does exist. Just make sure you aren't adding more to the world. It all works for me. Thanks for a provocative post.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Sandy, this is the big revelation that I feel like I am having. Before, I would chase money and need more money because I thought the expensive stuff in life held the most importance. Now that I don't need that stuff, I always have enough money because I'm paying for the basics (ie: mandatory bills) and then making enough to play with (ie: short trips to Toronto for example) but I don't need so much that it kills me if I don't make "enough."
Sonia Miller Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Yep! Been a long time fan of Dave Ramsey and the approach you are sharing. Congratulations on waking up so young. Many people don't wake up until later in life. Much easier to build wealth when you use time to your advantage. Congratulations and good job sharing the wisdom. Blessings, Sonia :)
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thanks so much Sonia! It feels great to have learned these lessons early. I feel like a lot of people learn them late (or never learn them) and spend their whole life trying to catch up and dig their way out of debt.
Cher Hanusiak
Twitter:
Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Why do people have to be so judge-y? I've found a lot more of that since I had my son last year too. Sometimes I think people are more comfortable with others failures than successes. It's bizarre.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Cher, I TOTALLY agree with you.
Larry Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Wise beyond your years.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thank you Larry :)
Martin
Twitter:
Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Thanks Erin! It is so true, it's happened to me too! Because one starts to see the big picture and plan for the future, one has to become more careful, plan more and truly invest in what you want in life for yourself and your family. Good for you!
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thank you Martin! So glad that you are on that road too :)
Heather @smart_spaces Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Erin, you sound very successful to me. Making those financial decisions are very smart. You have always been supportive of other entrepreneurs as well. Continue the outstanding work that you do.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thank you Heather! That is really nice to hear :)
Judy Tracey Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Hi Erin, It's sad how society labels us no matter what we do but at the end of the day, it's your life and you must be true to yourself and do what's right for you and your family. I am VERY proud of all your accomplishments you have successfully made in your life. There are not many people your age who are, or have been, as successful as you. It's obvious you have been making the right decisions in life - so why would anyone question the success of your business?? Beats me. Just remember, inch by inch, life's a sinch.... Love your Auntie! xoxo
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thank you so much Auntie :) This is really great advice! It makes me tear up knowing that you are proud of me! xoxo
Kristi Pavlik Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Hi Erin - You go girl! You never did follow the status quo, and you are not doing it now. What does Dave Ramsey say - "Live like no one today, so you can live like no one tomorrow" or something like that. If you have not done so already, he has a great book/video called Entreleadership. It goes along with his TMM, but for business. Glad to see you are doing well, on your own terms.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thank you Kristi :) You are right, never a follower LOL Although at one point I did that and it felt SO not like me that my brain wouldn't let me continue with that nonsense ;) I will definitely check out the book you recommended! :) xo
Randy Little Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

*high fives to you both Erin. High fives aallllll around.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thank you Randy! Soon, I am going to use YOU more to really get financial set.
Jamie
Twitter:
Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

I love Ramsey and have tried not to worry what people think about the things I do especially if they don't have all of the information. It's the millionaire next door! Keep up the good work.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thanks Jamie! I forgot about what Dave said in his book about true millionaires often not looking like millionaires. I'm going to adopt that principle and mindset and try not to weigh too heavily on other people's opinions.
Susan Swan James Tuesday - 09 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Great post. I hear you. I was there back when the film industry was so busy in Toronto I prayed for 3 consecutive days off in between gigs so I could go to the doctor AND catch up my laundry. I worked 70 hour work weeks for 17 months in a row, and all I can say is: Like you, I have none of the things I bought back then to show for it and everyone, including me, spent that money as fast as it came in. Crazy. Thanks for your message today. :)
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Susan, omg... I remember back before the recession when the US dollar was almost double the CDN dollar... the money I made! WHEW! Had I kept it all and applied it differently, I would be in an even better spot today BUT I figure the lesson learned is even more valuable than that security. xo
Jane Wednesday - 10 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Erin, You've always been an inspiration as a hard working woman, regardless of your marital or motherhood status. I've been a huge fan since before you were a married woman or a mother and love you 20 times more now that you've achieved those lofty statuses as well as title of amazing woman. Congrats on turning 30 and I know that you will enjoy this decade 10 times more than your previous decade with your little Willow enriching your life. It's amazing how priorities change when the little ones come along. I know, it happened to me too. Best of luck to you and your wonderful little family.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Thursday - 11 / 10 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thank you so much Jane :) I'm humbled to know that you've watched me grow in this life/business... I'm glad to hear that you experienced the same thing as it makes me feel surrounded by others in a similar situation :) xo
BeachMama Wednesday - 10 / 10 / 2012 Reply

You are so smart Erin!! I have admired you since the very first time I met you. I wished I had had your smart sense back when I was your age. I can only imagine how much further you are ahead when you reach your 40's like me, hopefully pleasantly retired and enjoying every minute of it ;)
Vivek T Wednesday - 10 / 10 / 2012 Reply

I hate such people who think like this. I feel good to be your freind Thanks for "Dave Ramsey"
Kumari Wednesday - 10 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Erin As always your consciousness inspires me, and your actions that are driven by your changing priorities are commendable. Mostly, I love how you live out loud and take on new projects with such ease and grace!!!
Carol Wednesday - 10 / 10 / 2012 Reply

Good for you, Erin! You owe explanations to NO ONE outside your immediate family -- and you've realized that; hooray for you. You've made wise choices for the long-term, and that's what really matters. Like you, I also made some not-so-smart financial decisions in the past. However, when I bought my first house many years ago, I ate peanut butter & jelly sandwiches a lot, and wore my clothes until they were threadbare. Those sacrifices have paid off, and I'm now thankful to be in a much more comfortable position. You've got a good head on your shoulders, girl! I wish you the very best going forward.
Brenda Wednesday - 10 / 10 / 2012 Reply

I love this post, Erin. When we moved from San Fran to Washington DC in 2003, we bought a small house. We choose to buy a small house because we didn't want to be "house rich and cash poor" - we like to travel, go to nice restaurants, and yes, we were planning on having kids. I still remember the mortgage broker looking at our income and investments and saying "You can afford SO MUCH MORE!" We politely said no thank you and bought our small home. A few years later, we're one of the few who are not underwater, whose home actually has equity and we're doing just fine, thank you. We also turned in the Volvo for the minivan and while we travel and do as we please (including save), that minivan is now almost 10 years old. I'm okay with that. It still gets us from point A to point B. I am confident enough in myself, as is my husband, that we don't need to "keep up with the Jones'" and could not, quite frankly, care what they think. My business is just fine, thank you. As is my family. As is my life. KUDOS to you!

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