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Oh Phallic Tree, Oh Phallic Tree

Oh Phallic Tree, Oh Phallic Tree

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“Hmm… It looks kind of like a… well…. umm…. like a rocket” my husband said to me after we were finished setting up our new LED Christmas tree.

“Yes, it does… doesn’t it?  Well, I like it!” I said in response.  I didn’t want him to see the shopper’s remorse all over my face.  It was my idea to get the $99 Christmas tree after all.  ”On our favourite rocket ship… Flying through the sky… Little Einstein’s!” I sang out in hopes of making the moment light and fun.

“Yeah, I.  Do.  Too.” my husband replied.

We went about the rest of our business, getting the rest of the house decorated for the holidays.  I took pictures of our new tree and thought things in my head like, “I guess I won’t be sharing these on Facebook this year” and “When we have our entire family here, I’ll just say that this tree was on sale but that we really like it because we like things that are unique and different.”  Yeah… that’ll do just fine.

As I strung garland on our banister and listened to Willow press the on button for the musical Christmas tree about a thousand times, my mind kept wandering back to the phallic Christmas tree.  What on Earth was I going to do about this?  How would I survive a Christmas with a tree that looked like a crotch rocket?

I don’t know what made me gravitate toward the tree but I did… I guess I was thinking that maybe, just maybe there was a way to make the tree look less phallic.  I reached into the branches, feeling around, hoping and praying for a Christmas miracle.  And a miracle I did find (well, less miracle and more moron-ical).

You see, when my husband and I set up our tree, we didn’t realize that the branches bent down.  We didn’t realize that we had just set up an entire Christmas tree, with decorations, without actually spreading out the branches.  When we realized this, we fell on the floor and died of laughter.

People… we survived a Christmas miracle.  We don’t have a crotch rocket Christmas tree any longer.

Ever do that?  Set up a Christmas tree without spreading out its branches?  What else have you done around the holidays that is chuckle worthy?  Leave it in the comments below!


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Comments (15)

  1. Jessica Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    HAAAA. This made my heart smile. :)
    • Erin Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
      ;) For so many reasons... right? Right?!
  2. NatteringNic Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    Another Christmas memory made. A phallic one...but a memory none the less!
    • Erin Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
      I AGREE!! These are the kind of Christmas memories that are going in the scrapbooks I don't keep. haha
  3. Krista (@kristahouse) Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    Nothing comes to mind in my own experiences but I'm still laughing at your headline! You have a life long Christmas story to retell year after year. Hahaha
    • Erin Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
      heehee, thanks!! I thought it was a goodie.
  4. Hollan Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    HILARIOUS. I would have kept the tree in it's crotch rocket-esque state ;)
    • Erin Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
      I'm almost tempted to bend the branches back up... just to see what people would say about our GAWGEOUS tree haha
  5. Tracie Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    I think its a sweet tree.My children would think its fantastic with alot of character!!!
    • Erin Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
      Thanks!! We almost left it but our family has a really awesome sense of humour and it seriously would have been the butt of EVERY joke during the holidays haha
  6. Lynda Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    I think it looks very pretty, even if it wasn't opened up. I think it's the decos that make the tree beautiful, not the tree itself. we went out in our back yard to pick a old one was bare except at the wayyy top. Not sure now if it will survive until xmas...the decos seem heavy on it and the branches are drooping....oops. thanks for sharing...put a smile at this end for sure. Now...may we see a pic of it opened up?
    • Erin Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
      Thanks Lynda! I love the LED trees - so easy and no fuss, no muss! That's awesome that you got a tree from your own backyard! You should post a picture to our OVM Facebook page wall. I'll get a new pic of the tree and post it soon! :)
  7. Tara sagriff Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    I was going to ask if you wanted to trade because ive been looking for a skinny but tall tree for our tiny living room. Lol.
  8. Brenda A Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    *snort* Was Dick Johnson the sales guy?
  9. Judy Tracey Friday - 07 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    OMG!! I laughed my ass off! You guys are sooo freakin cute!! Thanks for the laughter today Erin! xoxo

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