Paranoia!!

“Paranoia, paranoia, Everybody’s coming to get me…” The lyrics from Flagpole Sitta by Harvery Danger, this is the song that keeps coming to mind as I sit to write this blog post!

Ok, OK…so it’s not that kind of paranoia! I don’t fear that there are aliens coming, or even that I am being stalked or hunted or people who want to hurt me (well at least I don’t think I should be worried about any of that, well except maybe aliens cause we never really know what is out there…..lol )

Hi, my name is Crystal, and I am a paranoid freak. I am CONSTANTLY paranoid of gossip. In particular gossip that refers to me. I know everyone can be a little self conscience, but I think that when I leave a room to go pee, I am being talked about. If I don’t hear from a friend in a couple days, they hate me. That status on Facebook, yup its about me. There was a blog post and it mentioned something about being blonde? Yep, it was about me. The NASA Space Shuttle didn’t take off due to mechanical problems, probably due to me. (Ok, maybe I am not that bad, but I think you get the picture!)I am horrible for feeling that everyone is talking about me. And the worst part is, it is usually the people closest to me that I feel are doing it.

I rationally know that it is all in my head, but the irrational, crazy, paranoid part of me, well it always is ready to bail a situation out of discomfort. I really don’t know where this stems from. I don’t know why I think I am soooo important that all anyone would want to do is talk about me behind my back…what I am wearing, what I am eating, what kind of parent/friend/wife/lunatic I am. I lack in the ‘self loving’ department (really good at the ‘self loathing’ department though), so maybe it is because I don’t think highly of myself for the most part, that I feel others don’t either!? Or maybe it is because as a female, I realize that it is just something that we do. We gossip, we talk about people, we judge, and sometimes we aren’t really that nice about it either. So maybe, just maybe…if I don’t judge me (or others for that matter) maybe I will feel better and not as paranoid. If I am happy with me, what does it matter if others aren’t?!

What do you think?! Is there any way my paranoid self can be saved!? Do you suffer from a bit of gossip induced paranoia as well!? (please say yes….or I will think YOU are judging me too )