Teach Your Children Boundaries

Babies & Toddlers

by Erin | on September 5th, 2012 | 11 comments

I love children. Or, at least I thought I loved children. Turns out, I pretty much only love my child and the children of my closest friends. Sometimes I meet other children I like but I also meet a lot of children that I don’t like so much. I know, I know, some of you will read this and you’ll think I sound like Cruella de Ville but c’mon… we have ALL thought this at some point in time.

Case in point, I’m sitting at this cafe this morning that has a play area for kids and I’m with a new friend that I met through this site and her little guy (who I LOVED and thought was so squishy and adorable) and we’re chatting and this mom comes in with her little girl. I can usually tell within a few minutes whether or not I’m going to want a new kid around my kid. This little girl had a runny nose and zero boundaries — two things that I can’t stand in other people’s kids (OPKs).

The little girl came up to my friend’s baby and had her hands all over her son’s soother and was touching him and the entire time, I was cringing. She didn’t say anything to me afterward but it bothered me to the point where I watched Willow like a hawk to make sure that the little girl didn’t put her hands on Willow or touch a toy and then Willow touch it afterward. I know. You’re sitting there thinking, “This is totally a first child attitude” but you know what? Teach your kids some freakin’ boundaries!

I am so boundary aware in my every day life that I teach Willow to do the same. If she goes toward another kid’s bowl of snacks, I stop her. I make her ask the parents if it’s okay but usually, I just pull out her own snack and feed that to her. If she goes toward a baby, I tell her not to touch but to wave and say hi from afar. If she is all up in another kid’s business, I tell her to move back a little and give the other kid some breathing room.

If you are the kind of parent who allows your kid to do whatever they want without setting boundaries, stop! For the love of all things in this world, STOP. Teach your children boundaries and teach them manners. You might have to say “no” a whole lot more than you might like but guess what, they’ll at least be more self-aware and they’ll start to learn that the entire world isn’t their oyster and that they just can’t take whatever they want.

Your child is not so incredibly awesome and cute that they won’t annoy other people. There is a good chance that they will and when you see other parents around, tensing their jaws and giving a curt, polite smile that really says, “Get-your-kid-away-from-my-kid-and-why-the-hell-are-they-even-in-public-with-this-runny-nose?!” take a hint! Bring them home, give them some cuddles but keep them far away from my kid.

What do you think? Do you think boundary-less children need to be taught to have stronger boundaries? Weigh in in the comments below!

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Comments (11)

Jessica Savage Wednesday - 05 / 09 / 2012 Reply

Loved this post as I also believe in boundaries and also do not like ALL peoples children lol However please keep in mind that some kids has issues that cannot be seen and do not understand boundaries at all. My son is Autistic and no matter how much he is told, he doesnt always grasp the concept of personal space etc. I get the tense jaws, polite smiles and worse all the time, but I cannot stop and explain to everyone he comes in contact with that he is Autistic nor can I keep my child in a bubble. He is told the same as you tell your daughter but doesnt always follow through. My son also has ALOT of allergies and as gross as it is, alot of time has a runny nose from it.....dont be scared....its not always "cold/virus" snot, sometimes its allergy snot and again I cannot keep him in the house 24/7. It is wiped by myself and him but sometimes there is going to be some missed. My point being is sometimes its not always good to judge a book by its cover :)
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Wednesday - 05 / 09 / 2012 Reply
  
  Hi Jessica! Thanks so much for commenting. I TOTALLY understand where you're coming from and if the child has issues that cannot be seen then obviously that goes outside of what I'm talking about. My post is actually less about the children and more about the parents (I came to that realization after reading your comment). Parents who sit down, sipping on a coffee while their kid is all over other kids, eating their food, etc. and the parent just watches on (or worse, laughs and encourages the behaviour) is what I have issues with. I just wish more parents were near their child and keeping them in line instead of letting them run amok. Mostly, I just get irritated if I have to police, babysit or school another child when his/her parent is sitting down and relaxing. It's the children of THOSE parents that need to be taught major boundaries. Kwim? Erin
Julie MacDougall Wednesday - 05 / 09 / 2012 Reply

I'm with you on this one Erin! And yes, it's not the children so much, it's the parents that are the issue. This used to annoy me so much at the park, at playgroups, at events, that I always seemed to be the only one who was supervising their children, and like you say, often supervising others children as well, because I really couldn't just let them fall off the play structure or get into the stuff under the sink at someone else's house (really, I had to do this) while their parents chatted and ignored. And even when it was pointed out didn't seem to care and went back to ignoring. I gave up on that playgroup. It may take some time, it will take some patience, repetition, consistency and perhaps even consequences, but I think, the children will be happier, better people, both as children and when they grow up, if you give them some rules, boundaries and limitations now. Okay I know that's Cesar Milan, but sometimes raising children and puppies is very similar. :)
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Wednesday - 05 / 09 / 2012 Reply
  
  Julie - omg, you are speaking my language here! Seriously, some parents are just so oblivious... It's like, "No, I don't want your kid jumping on my furniture with their dirty feet thanks..." and "Could you please tell your kid to stop touching my kid because she obviously doesn't like it?" I don't want to have to parent the parent but sometimes that is what it feels like you have to do!
amanda Wednesday - 05 / 09 / 2012 Reply

I totally agree! But what would you do if the snotty nosed, up in their face kid is bugging willow. Would you go up to the parent,the child or remove willow from the situation. I am the least confrontational person ever! But my feisty side will and has come out, if it has to do with my sons safety or health. Its funny you say you thought you loved children! I feel the same way! I guess its more the parents and the lack of parenting that i really dont like but the poor children suffer and are messed up because the parents dont correct the bad behavior. This isn't every child or and there are special circumstances.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Wednesday - 05 / 09 / 2012 Reply
  
  When a kid is doing something to my kid that I don't like, I have zero issue telling the kid to back off. I don't say it that meanly of course, I usually say, "Willow doesn't seem to be liking that very much, do you want to give her a bit of space? Oh look, there's a stuffed monkey!" and then I go about my business. If you meet me in person, you'll see that I am a really sweet person but when a kid is grating on my last nerve, I can definitely snap. One day at the park, this kid jumped from the top of the monkey bars to the ground, without looking, and missed Willow by an inch. He was a bigger, older kid so he could have seriously injured her. Both my hubby and I lost it and were yelling at the kid... not my most proud moment but seriously, it was extremely dangerously close to a very bad injury (landing on the top of her head) so my momma bear came out big time. The thing is, parents need to take responsibility of their young ones but the reality is, some don't. They just sit back, probably exhausted from dealing with their demon child, and they let others do the parenting for them. It's sad.
Olufunmike Wednesday - 05 / 09 / 2012 Reply

I love this post because I feel the exact same way.
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Wednesday - 05 / 09 / 2012 Reply
  
  Thank you :) xo
Julia Wednesday - 05 / 09 / 2012 Reply

It bugs me when kids get all up in my baby's face and start grabbing or poking (seriously, poking!) at her and their parents say nothing. I bothers me even more when they say things like "oh, you can just tell him/her to stop, it's ok." I shouldn't have to tell another person's kid how to behave. All I can do is make sure to teach my baby how to behave when she comes to that age. It's just good manners, something that's appreciated by everybody. But then, some adults need to learn this too (i.e. don't stick your unwashed finger in my baby's mouth, or get right in her face with your camera flash, thanks!)
- Erin
  Twitter:
  Wednesday - 05 / 09 / 2012 Reply
  
  Omg, I hear ya girl! I agree - it comes right down to basic manners and I sort of feel that with the passive parenting revolution (ie: never saying no, being a friend instead of a parent, etc.) people let their kids do whatever the heck they want. Parents: you have to calm your kid down, teach them some boundaries and that way they can grow up to be respectful human beings.
  - Julie MacDougall Wednesday - 05 / 09 / 2012 Reply
    
    There is a lack of general manners in the adult population is I think the first problem, they can not pass it on if they don't have it themselves. People have been over the years impressed (and it shouldn't be impressive it should be normal!), amused and bemused by my children's manners, particularly the fact that they say, I beg your pardon? rather than, what? And that they excuse themselves from the table, ie they say, May I please be excused? That idea seems pretty uncommon around here! But these things are really so easy to teach! As for being friends with your kids and not saying no, etc, it's a shame that they don't realize that the word discipline means to teach, not to punish. Oh dear, you've really hit one of my parenting pet peeves with this topic! Sorry I'll stop ranting now!

Teach Your Children Boundaries

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