No seriously. He had to have been born on another planet because we seriously are two different species. Cut from a different rug. Not brothers from another mother. Nope. We are two very different people and a few nights ago, we looked at each other and said, “How do we still like each other this much?” It really is one of those questions that is difficult to answer.
We have been together since May 8, 1999. Yes, seriously – we started dating in an entirely different century. We were high school sweethearts – met in parenting class and never looked back after that. Our relationship was a typical high school relationship. One built on being smitten by each other and finding time when we could to sneak off and make out. You know, young love and all that jazz.
Over time, our relationship changed and we changed as people. We saw some rocky times and we broke up twice in the early years but one thing that always astounded me was how much we continued to like each other, even through everything we experienced.
As we were growing up and dating, a lot of people told us that we may grow apart and that our interests will change and that who we were in our teens wasn’t who we’d be in our twenties and wasn’t who we’d be in our thirties. We got a lot of advice and feedback in this area but we maintained our faith in our relationship. Regardless of what would happen over the years, we’d stay together and we’d figure it out.
I have never really felt those differences creep into our relationship until recently. We’d always been two very different people but we also maintained enough similarities to keep the glue holding us together and leave us feeling confident in our relationship. Recently however, I’ve found that our lifestyle changes and life choices are making us become even more different than each other and we’ve had to really work at it lately. Not something we’re used to doing at all.
The biggest change of late is with Steve. He decided a few months ago that he was going to start training for a marathon. He loves to run and he had done a complete 180 when it came to his self-care (he wasn’t very nice to his body before but that’s a whole other post) so he decided to change everything in this area. Overnight. Without warning.
I woke up one day to a husband who no longer ate what I ate, who trained four-five days a week and who was very health-conscious. We no longer did dinners together (as we weren’t eating the same thing ever) and I found myself feeling less supported by him in that area. Previously, if he was making lunch or dinner, he’d offer to make me something too (while I worked) but because we’re on two different diets, that never happens anymore. We are also doing the baby-hand-off often while I go from work to Willow and he from Willow to training.
It’s challenging because there are so many changes all at once and it’s presenting itself everywhere in our lives. Popping up and forcing us to figure it all out… deal with the changes… and, somewhere in all of this, maintain us. Maintain our relationship and keep us interested in each other.
I’m not going to lie, some days are hard as I feel guilty/judged for eating ice cream while he eats almonds and power bars and when I don’t take my daily vitamin, I feel like I failed him when he asks if I’ve remembered but the beauty in all of this is that we’re talking more. We’re figuring things out together. And most of all, we’re trying. We’re not giving up and saying, “Well… guess we just don’t have anything in common anymore, time to move on to greener pastures.” Nope. We’re sticking it out, sticking to the vows we’ve made and we’re making it work.
One thing that is super helpful is that I’ve started to run again too. I’m also motivated to eat better because he is and that isn’t a bad thing. I’m also 100% in support of him doing his marathon and Willow and I will be there, with tears in my eyes, cheering him on at the finish line and tossing him power gels at the 25-30K mark.
Have you ever felt this way in your relationship? If so, what did you do to help things improve? Leave your advice in the comments below!