The Important Stuff:
Ottawa Valley Moms :: Ottawa Moms, Arnprior Moms & Renfrew Moms on Parenting, Life, Love and Staying Connected
Baby, Bye Bye Bye!

Baby, Bye Bye Bye!

  • Delicious

When my son was two weeks old we introduced a soother. It was something we were hoping to avoid, only because I dreaded the day I would have to take it away. But in the midst of lots of sleepless nights and lots of crying he found comfort in it.

At first we just gave him his soother when he was fussing, but it wasn’t long until he had it at night time too. I remember playing the put it back in his mouth 10x a night game, until he was able to find it himself. When he was little we didn’t allowed him to have the soother any time he needed it. If we were out and he was fussy, I would offer him the soother and he would instantly be pleased. I remember getting looks from complete strangers, or unwanted advice about why he shouldn’t have his soother. Why do people who know nothing about you and your child feel the need to offer this ‘great’ advice? As much as I knew what I was doing was the right thing, it always made me question my parenting style.

After one of these run ins, I decided it was time to take away the soother. I started at nap time, and he cried for what felt like hours. I consoled him, and tried again, and again and again. I picked up my crying baby and asked myself why I let this person get to me. I am a great mom, and only doing whats best for my son. He obviously wasn’t ready to give it up, and I didn’t want to force it. **Note to those strangers that want to give advice – PLEASE DON’T!

After a few more months, I decided it was time for our son to only get his soother at nap and bed time. He didn’t use it during the day a lot, so thought we could use this as a teaching opportunity. He now knows he can only have his soother if he is sleeping, and being consistent with that he been really helpful.

Our son is now 21 months old and he still sleeps with his soother. I feel anxious just thinking about when the time comes that I will have to take it from him. I feel guilty, and I definitely don’t feel ready to take it from him.

My guilt comes from the decision we made when he was two weeks old. The decision to give him a soother, as a comfort. This is what he learned to use to help him sleep, to make him feel comfortable, and to calm down. I feel like its unfair to be the one that now has to take it from him. I hate that it will cause him sadness, and frustration. Maybe its that he isn’t ready to give it up, so the thought is still unfathomable. Maybe, he will one day just not want it, that would be great!  But until that day I am left feeling this guilt.

I know the day will come when he will be ready to say goodbye to his soother.  I wish I didn’t worry about needing to take it away from him, and I wish people would stop being so judgmental when it comes to other people.  Try to put yourselves in their shoes and realize they are making these choices out of love for their children.

Has anyone else dealt with feeling this guilt over a choice you made with your children?  Did you give your children a pacifier? Why did you chose to give them a pacifier? How did you wean him/her? When did you know they were ready?

Add a comment

Comments (13)

  1. Crystal Friday - 09 / 11 / 2012 Reply
    Don't feel guilty Tricia! Having not used one with either of my two, I am of no help for suggestions, but I am sure the time will come and it will be right! No point in forcing something that Carter isn't ready for you! Best of luck! xo
  2. Tricia Friday - 09 / 11 / 2012 Reply
    Thanks Crystal. I don't want to force it, more concerned with the impact it might have on him when the time comes. And the unsolicited advice I keep getting ha.
  3. Melody Lachance Friday - 09 / 11 / 2012 Reply
    Soothers are exactly that "soothing" to a child, and I agree if your child needs it they should have it. Tricia I agree with you that giving it to Carter at "sleepy" time is a good way of trying to wean him off of it. I have seen many children between 3-5yrs old walking around with one, and I have a hard time with that, but it isn't my child. But I think the parents should try and find something else to take its place - especially before the child heads to nursery school or regular school. Most children decide on their own when the time has come - you are a caring mother, don't worry.
  4. Jane Friday - 09 / 11 / 2012 Reply
    My first 2 wouldn't take a soother. When my third came along she had a never ending need to suck. She is now 2 years 2 months and my regret is not taking it away sooner-before she knew the difference! She only gets it at bed time and nap time as well but I dread taking it away! When my fourth came along I got tired of putting the soother back in AND my 2 year old began taking the baby's soother when she didn't have her own. At 5 months I took the baby's soother away and replaces it with a lovey blanket. She sleeps 7-7 because she can always find that blanket! I don't pay attention to what others think but I do hate that I now have to think about taking something away from my little girl that has been such a comfort for so long!
  5. Deanna Friday - 09 / 11 / 2012 Reply
    I have 3 children and 2 of them used soothers. Our deadline was 2 yrs. old but found out that teething ( 2yr old molars ) was not helping. They Needed them to sooth the teething pain ( no medication just a soother ) and they could cope. I felt it cruel to take it away then. Once I discovered the teeth had arrived the soother was forgotten. I made it unavailable and we would "forget it " downstairs and such. Within 2 weeks for both children it was a thing of the passed.
  6. Lara
    Friday - 09 / 11 / 2012 Reply
    I honestly am not sure why people seem to feel the need to take soothers away from kids so early. My first barely slept his first few months - we were willing to do anything to get him sleeping. The soother helped and it became something he really relied on. We attempted to see if he was ready to give it up when he was 3, he wasn't. When he was almost 4 he gave it up on his own. We just kept giving him the option. So there are my two cents... don't worry too much about it :)
  7. Erin Friday - 09 / 11 / 2012 Reply
    Dude!! Don't worry about it! C. is still a baby and I'm confident that he will give it up when he's good and ready. Some kids use a blankie to help them sleep, others use a teddy bear. I see no difference between these items and a soother. Matt used his to help him sleep too. He got a cold and couldn't breathe properly with it in his mouth since he was so congested. Since then he hasn't touched it. In fact, I tried to give it to him on a flight and he was totally insulted that I would even try to give him something like that! haha. Go with the flow. Don't worry about what other people think. It's what's best for you and C.
  8. Holly Friday - 09 / 11 / 2012 Reply
    First, stop being bullies by other people! You're a great Mom! All 3 of my kids would not take a soother. They are 4 & 5 year old twins who are Thumb and finger much harder to get them to give up! I think around age 2-2.5 is a great age to have them give it up. The idea of a soother fairy is a great one in my opinion. Just remember there will always be things as a parent you have to do for your child that will be harder for you than for them. It will be a tough few naps and nights but you will both get through saying Good-bye to the soother. Maybe ask a pediatric dentist what they recommend As well regarding a timeline. You know your child Better than anyone else and just trust your gut. Good luck!
    • Holly Friday - 09 / 11 / 2012 Reply
      Should say stop being bullied by other people...sorry!
  9. Miranda Saturday - 10 / 11 / 2012 Reply
    Don't stress it. There are bigger things to worry about. A very good child psychologist once asked me if I'd ever seen a 16 year old with a soother or sucking his thumb. These things work themselves out through peer pressure if not before. If you do some research you will also find it's not a big deal for teeth either. As soon as they stop, their teeth return to normal. Plus they don't even have their adult teeth yet. Might be a bit embarrassing but some kids just need it longer. Ps, my three year old still has her's. we had her weaned but it managed to come back. We do have some rules though to make sure her speech isnt effected. But like I said, there are always bigger things to worry about.
  10. Tricia Sunday - 11 / 11 / 2012 Reply
    Thank you for all the great advice, feedback and encouragement. You are all right, I need to stop worrying what others say and just do what is best for our family.
  11. joanne Sunday - 11 / 11 / 2012 Reply
    Dont stress....he wont go to college with it...both mine had one until after the age of two at naptimes and bedtimes...they also had blankies (and at 8 and 12 still have them), there will be lots of decisions to make aling the parenthood road...dont sweat the small stuff :)
  12. Tricia Monday - 12 / 11 / 2012 Reply
    I agree Joanne. I really shouldn't stress the small stuff! New Motto :)

Add a comment

Don't Miss ANYTHING! Sign up for our free newsletter featuring giveaways, advice and more...

OVM Sponsor

OVM Sponsors

Latest Pins on Pinterest

  • how to: hair bow...freaking adorable!

SheBlogs Media


Latest Tweets

  • Today is your last chance to enter to win $40 gift certificate for Peekaboo Beans from @PB_Vicky!! Click here to enter:
  • New post: Hunting Season, Welcome to the Valley Eh!
  • Today EVERYONES a WINNER with @hazeldeanchiro!! See details & enter here: {Giveaway Valued at $350!!}