Days like today are hard.
Days when I can’t take one more minute of whining, crying or otherwise tantrum-like behaviour. When I think back to my smiley, happy, bouncy six or seven month old. When I think about the days when she loved me without knowing that someday I may say no to her when she asks for playdough and she won’t eat her pasta first.
Days like today are hard.
Days when I need to take a forced break in my workday to take Willow to the doctor because of an issue that has reoccured and that I only found that morning. When my child, God love her, yells through everything the doctor says so instead of having a doctor that dotes on my child, I have a doctor who can’t write her prescription fast enough. When on the way home from said appointment, my husband tells me that I have a hair on my face that shouldn’t be there, takes it upon himself to play groomer and pulls half my skin off of my face with his fingernails.
Days like today are hard.
Days when I’m woken at 6:30am by a child who wants to nurse but my nipples are so insanely sore that I simply can’t allow her to even drink a little bit. When she proceeds to scream for an hour straight about “more mommy” and “nummies” and I simply can’t give in because the pain I feel when she latches on is enough to turn my stomach.
Days like today are hard.
Days when my work e-mails pile up and everything is urgent and everybody needs me right now and I just want to swallow up everything on my to-do list and ingest it and let the inner workings of my being do their thing and produce what needs to be produced. When I have a new site that I want to launch but can never find the time to get to it.
Days like today are hard.
Days when I need to pay my bills and update my budget spreadsheet but I can’t find a spare second to login to my bank account so instead I freak out and worry that all of my bank accounts are at zero. When I have an endless list of people I need to pay but, for the same reasons as I just mentioned, I can’t seem to find the time to get that done. When I worry about paying all of the bills in a particular month because I am the sole income generator for our family. When I worry. About everything.
Days like today are hard.
Days when I eat beefaroni for lunch because I have no time to make anything else. When I can’t reply back to a single text, voice mail or phone call because I’m paralyzed for time. When I feel anxious and on the verge of tears but I have no time to destress myself for a minute or cry. When I think I’ve lost everything, including my daughter’s health card. When I don’t have a chance to hug or kiss my husband.
Days like today are really, really hard.
I know this isn’t the most uplifting and positive post but I often find that this blog is one of my best outlets as it doesn’t give me advice in the moment… just listens. It’s not to say that this blog replaces any human in my life – I much prefer that outlet – but I feel like if I am feeling the way I am, someone else might be too and this is me throwing out my lifeline to them. xo
Merry Christmas from All of Us at Ottawa Valley Moms
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