Things change when you have kids. Things that once meant a lot to you, don’t seem as important, and things you never thought you would care about, carry a lot of importance. We are often in bed at 9pm, because we don’t know when we will be up again, and our house is always messy (well mine is anyways!) We wouldn’t have it any other way.
My husband and I experienced all these changes in our lives when our son was born 2 years ago. There were some that were easier to accept than others, but we learned from them all and became stronger parents and individuals as we adapted.
In the past few months we have been discussing trying for another baby, bringing to focus even more unknowns as we hope to go from a family of three to four. I can’t wait to experience this next stage in our lives, but it doesn’t come without any hesitation.
My first concern is whether we will have any difficulties conceiving. We got pregnant fairly quickly with our son, but know that is not always the case. I try not to dwell on it, but the thought does creep in once in awhile about not being able to have more children. We are fortunate to have one son, but would love a big family. Hopefully the process will be stress free.
I also can’t imagine loving someone as much as I love my son right now. I know its possible, but there are days that its hard to wrap my mind around. I love my son with all my heart, so what happens when there are two? or three? or four? I know my love with only expand, and I will love our new child just as much, but right now those feelings are so unknown.
I am also left wondering how my son will adapt. Will he instantly bond with his brother or sister? Or will he feel resentment and jealousy? Newborns require a lot of time, and dedication how will I adapt so I am giving both my children equal attention. It feels like there are not enough hours in the day, what will it be like with two kids? I am sure my son will adapt given time, and learn to love his brother and sister.
Another thing I worry about- Where will we fit in with my friends? When we had our son, a lot of my friends were also having kids. It was great, they were all the same age, which made play groups and get togethers’ fun. We were all experiencing similar milestones and difficulties together, which made the bad days a bit more bearable. Now, most of my friends are done have children. I worry that I won’t find that bond with other moms again. I mean, I will always have a bond with my friends, but it will be different then before. Its easy to forget about the difficulty of morning sickness, or sleepless nights, when you are out of that stage. I relied on those going through similar experiences before, will I find a community similar to this again? Being surrounded by a strong community is very important to me, so I question whether it will be as strong this time around??
These all may seem trivial, but they are thoughts I have been having since contemplating expanding our family. Obviously I know that I will love my son or daughter just as much as our son, and we will all learn to adapt, but it is uncharted waters for me. So much unknown, and so many questions.
Did you struggle with any of these feelings? What was the outcome?