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Expanding A Family – The Unknown

Expanding A Family – The Unknown

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Things change when you have kids. Things that once meant a lot to you, don’t seem as important, and things you never thought you would care about, carry a lot of importance. We are often in bed at 9pm, because we don’t know when we will be up again, and our house is always messy (well mine is anyways!) We wouldn’t have it any other way.

My husband and I experienced all these changes in our lives when our son was born 2 years ago. There were some that were easier to accept than others, but we learned from them all and became stronger parents and individuals as we adapted.

In the past few months we have been discussing trying for another baby, bringing to focus even more unknowns as we hope to go from a family of three to four. I can’t wait to experience this next stage in our lives, but it doesn’t come without any hesitation.

My first concern is whether we will have any difficulties conceiving. We got pregnant fairly quickly with our son, but know that is not always the case. I try not to dwell on it, but the thought does creep in once in awhile about not being able to have more children. We are fortunate to have one son, but would love a big family. Hopefully the process will be stress free.

I also can’t imagine loving someone as much as I love my son right now. I know its possible, but there are days that its hard to wrap my mind around. I love my son with all my heart, so what happens when there are two? or three? or four? I know my love with only expand, and I will love our new child just as much, but right now those feelings are so unknown.

I am also left wondering how my son will adapt. Will he instantly bond with his brother or sister? Or will he feel resentment and jealousy? Newborns require a lot of time, and dedication how will I adapt so I am giving both my children equal attention.  It feels like there are not enough hours in the day, what will it be like with two kids?  I am sure my son will adapt given time, and learn to love his brother and sister.

Another thing I worry about- Where will we fit in with my friends?  When we had our son, a lot of my friends were also having kids. It was great, they were all the same age, which made play groups and get togethers’ fun. We were all experiencing similar milestones and difficulties together, which made the bad days a bit more bearable.  Now, most of my friends are done have children.  I worry that I won’t find that bond with other moms again. I mean, I will always have a bond with my friends, but it will be different then before.  Its easy to forget about the difficulty of morning sickness, or sleepless nights, when you are out of that stage.  I relied on those going through similar experiences before, will I find a community similar to this again? Being surrounded by a strong community is very important to me, so I question whether it will be as strong this time around??

These all may seem trivial, but they are thoughts I have been having since contemplating expanding our family. Obviously I know that I will love my son or daughter just as much as our son, and we will all learn to adapt, but it is uncharted waters for me.  So much unknown, and so many questions.

Did you struggle with any of these feelings?  What was the outcome? 


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Comments (5)

  1. PG Wednesday - 12 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    Although I am not ready for a second, I am already trying to figure out when trying for a second should start (how close in age our kids should be) and how I'll manage to give as much attention to a second baby as I'm giving to our first. Will I sleep? Will we ever get out of the house? But I had as many concerns about having a first... In fact, thriving with a first gives me more confidence about having a second.
  2. Jane Wednesday - 12 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    I think every Mom thinks of all of these things! Going from 0 to 1 is life changing and in my experience 1-2 was a huge adjustment because of the little things like getting 2 kids in and out of car seats and having no room for groceries in the grocery cart. I worried most about loving another child as much as my first but I quickly learned that I don't love anyone like I love my first because there are very unique things that I love about all of my kids! I love all 4 equally but for different reasons! If you're wondering, after you have 2 going for 3 or 4 is a breeze ;-)
  3. NatteringNic Wednesday - 12 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    We debated having a second child for 5 years, and very seriously for the year and a half leading up to his eventual conception. (I have a neuromuscular condition that I passed along to our first son. And this condition can be worsened with pregnancy. And our first son's preterm birth at 31 weeks due to a placental abruption scared the bejeebus out of us.) For the first 3 years following our son's birth, we were adamant we not have any more children. Then uncertainty crept in. We explored adoption. In fact, we were 2 weeks away from being approved when we found out I was pregnant. My point is this: everything unfolds as it should. Had we not spent so much time debating a second child, we wouldn't have our sweet little Paddy. And there is no right or wrong. Good luck with your decision.
  4. Crystal Wednesday - 12 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    They say once you have 1 you can have 4....well I found a HUGE adjustment between going from 1 child to 2. And with a little more than 3.5 yrs between, found it hard going back to the babe stage too. That being said, I love my 2 with all my heart (as much as some times they drive me up the wall lol). I wouldn't change a thing about our little family of 4! I know you will be a great Mom to 2 (3 or and your right, your love will just expand and your day to day routine will adjust, even though some days are harder than others. I am sure Carter will be a great big brother, just as Ava Lou is to my Mason. Good luck my friend! xo
  5. Nina Wednesday - 12 / 12 / 2012 Reply
    Ahhh I could have written this post 2 years ago when we were about to conceive Anna. I will always remember a conversation that I had with Dave as we lay with Owen. We talked about our love for him and how we could never imagine loving another human being the same. I love everything about babies and pregnancy, I would do it 10 times over if our family supported it in all aspects! And if I couldn't have a middle child or 4 ;) I know this is just a snipit of your thoughts, but don't dwell or worry about others. You will do what is best for your family and a community will support you if that is what you need, even if it is different from before. You will never be alone xo. Our lives will ever be changing, but know I will always be here for you and your fam no matter how big or small or sick or well! I will not judge and I still look forward to expanding our families together, no matter who goes first ;) so just blabbering now, but I have to say I LOVE everyone's comments so far, especially Nic, so heart warming :)

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